Did you mean “good parent”?

If you were to search the term “best parent” using your preferred browser, you’d thankfully discover that no one really knows what it means. Results for How to be a good parent fill the page and suddenly, a load has been taken off your back.

Dr Leon Levitt is grateful that the internet seems to have finally caught up to his way of thinking.

“What does it even mean to be the ‘best’ parent? It’s so unquantifiable. Instead of aiming for the impossible, we should focus on ‘good’ parenting. Because being good is hard enough,” – Dr. Leon Levitt

Dr Leon Levitt’s 3 Principles of Good Parenting

1. Keep them safe

 At the forefront of good parenting is providing your child with safety and security. While safety could cover many different facets of a growing person’s life, some parenting rules to stick to are:

•     Not dropping them on their heads
•     Keeping small pieces and yummy-looking batteries away from reach
•     Providing a comfortable and stable home environment for them
•     Looking out for others in the household – creating a sense of community within the home
•     Teaching them protective behaviours at a young age
•     Doing your best (within your power) not to expire on them

While that last one may be out of your control, you can mitigate risk by not engaging in too many extreme sports and keeping yourself in good general health.

1A. eSafety – an addendum

 While they may disagree, parents who raised their kids prior to the age of the internet had it easier. For those juggling real world struggles and digital dilemmas, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and there are extra precautions to consider.

 Online safety is summed up here by the eSafety Commissioner and may include:

•     Limiting screen time – this is just good practice for all in the household
•     Setting up parental controls for young children
•     Researching apps properly – check age ratings and privacy
•     Getting involved with online activities to encourage communication
•     Using the eSafety Guide to protect information and report harmful content
•     Paying attention to who your child interacts with online
•     Practising what you preach – put your phone down and be present with your child if you expect them to do the same

2.            Love them (unconditionally)

 This one appears to be easy, but it’s a little more nuanced than you might think.

“This is where we often get it wrong, because we love them the way we want to love them. Instead, we need to love them the way they need to be loved, at the stage that they’re at,” – Dr. Leon

 For example, a toddler requires a very different display of love than a teenager; using toddler-tailored love on a teenager is called ‘smothering’ and is an experiment in rejection that you may want to avoid.

 It’s also important to note that children of all ages need to feel loved unconditionally – not just when they do well in school or eat their vegetables, but particularly when they don’t.

 Loving the child despite unlovable behaviour

 Understanding and empathy play big roles in maintaining the love through difficult behaviours. Perhaps your child is not at the level of development where they can understand reason or self-regulate. If this is the case, it’s up to you as the adult to understand why your little one is acting out and to help them process their emotions and funnel their energy into something productive.

 If your child is older and displays undesirable behaviour, it’s important to communicate without judgement to understand their decision-making process. This blog on How To Help Teenagers Make Good Decisions outlines how to better understand teenage thought processes and guide teens towards better behaviour.

3.            Have them leave your house feeling good about themselves

 Creating an atmosphere of acceptance, rather than anxiety, fosters good self-esteem and sets children up with strong resolve and figuratively impenetrable skin (even when it’s a bit spotty in those difficult teenage years).

 If your child knows you accept them wholeheartedly, they will have a much better chance of accepting and even embracing themselves as they venture out into the world beyond their bubble.

 Self-esteem can be built even before your child understands the concept of being their own person. Just by being responsive and warm towards your baby, you are laying the groundwork for their good self-esteem to come. In older children, self-esteem building can include:

•     Giving your child some freedoms and letting them make decisions
•     Allowing them to learn consequences from their actions (always come from a positive angle – learning opportunities rather than punishments)
•     Letting them explore the outdoors safely
•     Giving constructive, balanced feedback
•     Encouraging help with chores – this demonstrates trust in their abilities
•     Praising second attempts when the first is unsuccessful – this is essential for resilience

3A.  Shift the focus away from appearances

Speak to any adult you know (particularly women) and they will have a story about something careless a parent said to them about their physical appearance as a child or teenager. Whether it’s a critique of an outfit choice, a comment about weight or unwanted advice on how to clear skin (“Just wash your face more!”), none are particularly useful but all will take root and refuse to let go.

While you may think you’re coming from a place of concern or love, children only hear the negative and will carry it, verbatim, into adulthood. Placing less emphasis on physical appearance and more on behaviour and personality teaches children that they have innate value that doesn’t diminish as they change.

Advice from Dr. Leon

“Everybody wants to be the best parent and that’s just such an unrealistic goal. Being a good parent is hard enough, so I want to give you some tips on how to achieve that.”

To summarise:

•     Safety is key – providing a safe environment for your child is crucial
•     All you need is (unconditional) love
•     Foster good self-esteem and don’t let them leave the house without it

The rest, as he puts it, “is trivia.”

Stick to these three broad principles and you’ll find that you’ll spend less time worrying about which brand of dummies are the most ergonomically ideal and more on enjoying life with your kids.

For more parenting tips, visit #drleon